Dad jokes are both beloved and despised—like corny puns, they're funny because they're so not funny. But what makes a dad joke different from a regular pun? The signature of a dad joke is that it's utterly uncool. Grandma may be the queen of nonsensical sayings, but Dad is certainly the king of cheesy jokes. Whether we're willing to admit it or not, sometimes these jokes are actually funny. Add these brilliant one-liners and puns to your repertoire, and you'll be on your way to matching Dad's pun-king status in no time.

From dad jokes for adults and kids of all ages to classic cheesy puns, we've rounded up the best dad jokes that have a little something for every occasion, to the chagrin of your companions.

Best Dad Jokes

• Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
• I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
• Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
• Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one!
• Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
• Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.
• I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger… // And then it hit me.
• Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
• What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
• Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
• I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
• Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.
• Once I ate a fancy Italian restaurant. It cost a pretty penne.
• Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out.
• Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
• What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.

• Why did the car get a flat tire? Because there was a fork in the road!
• What do you call a cold puppy? A chili dog.
• Did you hear the sausage joke? It’s the wurst.
• Where are average things manufactured? The Satisfactory.
• How can you tell it's a dogwood tree? From the bark.
• Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom? Because he was a fun-ghi.
• Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
• What did one hat say to the other? Wait here, I’m going on ahead!
• Why shouldn't pigs drive? They hog the road.
• Did you hear about the guy who invented the “knock-knock” joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.
• Where do bad rainbows go? Prism, it's a light sentence.
• What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Aw, shucks!
• How do astronomers find asteroids headed toward earth? With a collide-o-scope.

Corny Dad Jokes

• What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me.
• What do you call a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.
• What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
• What should you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.
• What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
• Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
• What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
• Why are pigs so bad at sports? Because they always hog the ball.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
• What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
• I hit in the head with a soda can. Thankfully it was a soft drink.
• What's the name of my cheese? Nacho cheese.
• Knock, knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo!
• What's the loudest pet you can own? A trumpet.
• What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
• What does a pampered cow give? Spoiled milk.
• John had a blind date to a fitness center. She didn’t show up, so I guess they won’t work out.
• I made a whopping six figures last year. I also was fired from the toy factory for being too slow.
• Knock, knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Hey, you can yodel!
• Why did the teddy bear skip dessert? She was stuffed.
• What did the left eye say to the right? Something smells between us.
• Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.
• I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.
• What’s it called when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
• What did the scarecrow win an award for? He was outstanding in his field.
• I don’t know much about the best things in Switzerland, but their flag is a big plus.
• I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
• How many potatoes do you need to make a pancake? A latke.
• The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.
• I hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Some would say that I nailed it.
• Why do Swedish battleships have bar codes on them? So they can Scandinavian.
• I invented a pencil with an eraser on each end. There’s no point to it.

One-Liner Dad Jokes

• RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
• I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.
• A witch's vehicle goes brrroom brrroom!
• The waiter asked if I wanted a box for my leftovers, but I told him I’m not into fighting.
• If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
• If the early bird catches the worm, I'll sleep in until there are pancakes.
• The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
• I used to be able to play the piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
• Did Noah include termites on the ark?
• I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.
• Keep the dream alive, and hit the snooze button.
• I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa.
• Whiteboards are remarkable.
• I'm afraid of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.
• I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
• Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, it's the whole sentence.
• I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
• Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
• Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
• I was at the park wondering why this frisbee kept getting bigger, and then it hit me.
• I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
• I had a dream about being a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
• Talk is cheap until you talk to a lawyer.
• A fish swam into a wall and said, "Dam!"
• A pony with a cough is just a little horse.
• It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Funny Dad Jokes

• I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!
• When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
• Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh.
• Why was the little cookie sad? His mother was a wafer so long.
• What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
• Did you hear about the dry cleaner who got arrested? He was laundering money.
• Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
• Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
• Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.
• Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
• Why did the picture get arrested? It got framed.
• Why do M&Ms go to school? Because they want to be a Smartie.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome.
• How do you protect a bagel? Lox it up!
• I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
• What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
• What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
• Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
• How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
• Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine? Because of his retractable clause.
• What kind of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated.
• Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
• How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Hold its nose! 
• What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
• Why can't you tell a taco a secret? They tend to spill the beans!
• The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
• A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
• Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.
• What did the horse say when he fell down? I've fallen and I can't giddy up.